Dealing with Anger in Kids: 8 Heart-Centered Parenting Techniques

A soothing touch on their back or simply sitting quietly next to them can provide the comfort and space they need to calm down.

Anger is a natural and common emotion, especially for children, but how we respond to it can make a huge difference. Rather than punishing or raising our voices, here are 8 compassionate ways to help a child handle their anger and regain their calm.

1. Meet Them at Eye Level

When a child is upset, they can feel small and overwhelmed. Kneeling down to their eye level and gently saying, “It seems like something’s bothering you,” shows empathy and creates a feeling of safety and connection.

2. Name and Validate Their Feelings

Instead of saying, “Stop being angry,” acknowledge their emotions by saying something like, “It looks like you’re upset.” By labeling their feelings, you help them understand their emotions, which also helps them learn to express themselves more clearly.

3. Offer Support, Not Solutions

Rather than immediately offering a solution, ask gently, “How can I help you?” This opens the door for them to feel supported, without feeling pressured to fix the situation before they’re ready.

4. Provide Comfort Through Gentle Touch or Presence

Sometimes words aren’t necessary. A soothing touch on their back or simply sitting quietly next to them can provide the comfort and space they need to calm down. Being present with them is often more effective than trying to talk them through their emotions right away.

5. Wait for Calm Before Discussing the Situation

Once the child has calmed down, sit with them and say, “Let’s talk about what happened.” Giving them time to settle before talking allows for a more constructive conversation where they can process their feelings in a calm environment.

6. Introduce Fun Breathing Techniques

Deep breathing can help ease tension. Make it a game, like “smell the flower, blow out the candle,” which turns the exercise into something fun and engaging. This can help the child focus on their breath and calm their body and mind.

7. Create a Peaceful Retreat

Set up a “calm corner” with soft pillows, calming toys, and activities like drawing or fidgeting. Having a designated space helps children retreat and cool down when they need a break from overwhelming emotions.

8. Have a Conversation Once They’ve Calmed Down

After the child has calmed down, take the opportunity to sit with them and say, “Let’s talk about what happened earlier.” This allows you both to reflect on the situation in a peaceful and constructive way.